Babymoon in Puerto Vallarta

Hilton Riviera

The room had a sweet view! We got to the resort after lunch on the first day. It was really busy- they were already out of towels. We didn’t get a lounge chair and it was really hot out. We made reservations for Sea Salt, the steakhouse restaurant for dinner. While we waited, we got a fish taco at Cocomar and then splashed around in the pool a little bit.

Dinner was the best meal we had at the all inclusive. We got steak and some sides. Avery told Morgan a lady woke her up in the pool to tell her that there was a mosquito on her leg. After hearing there were mosquitos, Morgan suddenly felt himself covered in them. He started slapping his legs and told Avery he was getting eaten alive. Avery didn’t see that many mosquitos and was skeptical. When they got back to the room, Morgan retrieved his luxury hydrocortisone cream and revealed his legs, ankles, and feet covered in raised welts. :O It was too many to count!!

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The next day, we got up early and got a good set of lounge chairs overlooking the beach. We staked out our spot all day with our towels, sunscreen, and a can of sparkling water. Avery finished Red Sister and made some progress on BlueB’s baby blanket. Morgan scrolled through baby names on his phone and spent his credit card points.

After spending all day relaxing by the pool, we tried to watch the Warriors-Mavs game on TV. Unfortunately, the Mexican TNT didn’t have the game. So instead we both had to watch on Morgan’s phone connected to our BT speaker. Morgan set the phone up kind of far away and Avery couldn’t really see the game. So she spent most of the time knitting and attempting to trash talk the Mavs Biggest Fan James over text message.

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The next morning, we went to Spanish class. Morgan brushed up on his high school Spanish. He also learned how to haggle and converse with waiters. Avery learned how to greet people, the words for spouse, and some rude words that the instructor had to erase quickly from the whiteboard.

Zona Romantica

We moved to Tres Marias luxury suites in the Zona Romantica. When we arrived, at first we couldn’t find the suite. That’s because the front looked like this:

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Don’t be fooled like us though, the inside was really nice! It turns out that’s the way a lot of places are in Puerto Vallarta. The fronts are really deceiving. After checking in, we hiked over to the Mirador de la Cruz. It was steep! Avery had to catch her breath a few times. On the way down, her thighs cramped up and she had to sit down for a little while. Morgan said that was how he felt during the half marathon!

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On the way back, Morgan wanted to get tacos. We walked all over the Zona Romantica and every place Morgan wanted to go to was either closed, accepted only cash, or in one case- demolished and under construction. Tired and hungry, Avery declared they were eating at the nearest open restaurant that accepted credit cards- reviews be dammed. We got guacamole and fish tacos that were actually really good. Now that we weren’t hangry, we were ready for a short break. Tres Maria has a rooftop pool that they splashed around in before Pancho’s Takos opened at 4pm. Allegedly, they are the best tacos in Puerto Vallarta.

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Since we didn’t get there early, we had to wait half an hour in the sun for a table. Morgan found it a lot easier to wait with a margarita in hand. Avery used her Spanish lessons to read the shirts on sale at the stall across the street. They said Pinche Covid. Finally, it was our turn for a table. Morgan ordered 4 tacos for himself. Avery got a stuffed avocado and a taco. The waitress brought out chips, guac, and 4 salsas. Avery dipped a chip in each as they got progressively spicier. The last one was a doozy! Morgan heaped a spoonful onto his first taco… 30 seconds later he looked like he just got out of a pool. It had nothing to do with how warm it was in the restaurant! Sweat dripping off his ear lobes, he begged Avery for her tenedor so he could cool his mouth down with her mushroom stuffed avocado.

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After early dinner, we went to Taco Revolucion for homemade ice cream. Avery got coconut in the shell and Morgan got elote (corn) in the husk. It was way too much ice cream and they were already full. The bank was closed on the way back to the suite. Avery collapsed into an “I ate too many tacos” pose on the couch. Morgan took an extremely unflattering picture of her “for the trip report”.

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After a nap to digest all the tacos, Morgan was back at it, heading downstairs to get two more tacos from the street vendor outside the suite. We ate the tacos with the leftover guac from Pancho’s. We capped off the night with half of the movie Senior Year on Netflix.

We finished the movie the next morning and then left to get more pesos. The exchange opened at 9, but we were too early so we used their credit card at Eulo’s Bakery to tide us over until it opened. A few minutes before 9, Morgan couldn’t wait any longer and decided to try the attached ATM. Third time was the charm and he managed to get pesos! Cash in hand, we were able to go get breakfast at the cash-only Azul around the corner. There was a very yappy chihuahua there that prompted us to google facts about chihuahuas… Did you know that they are the smallest recognized dog breed by the AKC and that they were probably bred from a mute dog native to the area called a Techichi? They got their English name from tourists bringing them home as souvenirs from the Chihuahua area of Mexico.

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That night we went on the excursion Rhythms of the Night. It was a boat ride to a cove where we had dinner and a Cirque Du Soleil type show. Morgan took took advantage of the all-you-can drink margaritas on the ride to the cove. Upon arrival, we were greeted by a boardwalk lined with performers juggling, tightrope walking, and posing as animals. We had dinner at a buffet style “restaurant” overlooking the bay with hammock islands bobbing in the water. It was pretty picturesque. After dinner, Morgan got two industrial strength margaritas by putting a peso tip in the bartender’s jar just as the final bell for the show was ringing. Since Avery wasn’t allowed to drink hers, Morgan had to drink for the both of them (and BlueB). The show was a little bit of a let down. Apparently, the normal performers were out and there was temporary cast. According to the website, the performance was about 4 tribes that were indigenous to the Puerto Vallarta area and something about how their traditions and gods. It was very interpretive. We weren’t sure if that’s what we ended up seeing at all. The story was really hard to follow. It involved a couple interacting with several different gods. One of the gods was a giant water creature that gave birth on stage to a demon fire thing. Avery hopes BlueB’s birth will be less traumatic.

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The next day we walked down to the Malecon Boardwalk for our Mole Poblano class. We learned that there were multiple kinds of plantain. They had some in the market that were 6 times bigger than any plantain we had ever seen in California. We also got freshly made tortillas, chilis, dry goods, and chicken. When we got back to the chocolate museum where we were taking the class, our instructor (who had dinosaur dangling earrings) had us deep fry and then grind up all our ingredients. It was hard work. The grinding was all done by hand in a cast iron hand-cranked grinder. Avery’s favorite step was when we were instructed to completely torch a tortilla and add it’s charred remains to the grinder.

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While grinding, we learned about clay cookware (“scientifically, it makes no difference to the final product- but as a Mexican it makes a difference 100%”), Mexican grandmas (“Mexican women level up in cooking every time they increase a generation – so a great grandma is like god-tier at cooking”), and starting a food joint in Puerto Vallarta (“what kind of food you want to serve dictates if you should open a restaurant or a street stand. The people running the street stands are raking it in! Their licenses are also really expensive.”).

The finished product was tasty! Our instructor gave us the leftovers in two jars with a stern warning that we had to use it within a week or run the risk of suffering from “Montezuma’s Revenge”. Otherwise we could freeze it and it would last indefinitely.

Since BlueB wasn’t allowed to do anything too adventurous due to liability concerns (jet skiing, ATV riding, ziplining, etc), Avery and Morgan were pretty much limited to trying new foods. We decided to try guacamole at all the restaurants in Zona Romantica. First we stopped by the Margarita Grill, which despite it’s name, was apparently a good spot to get guac. They made the guac tableside. It was really good! The margaritas were also top notch. Afterwards, we kept heading down toward the beach and got guac and cocktails (mocktail for BlueB) at a beach front restaurant in the sand. We tried to narrow down our list of names for BlueB. Morgan nixed Avery’s favorite name saying we couldn’t name our kid after a Kardashian. Avery argued that it wouldn’t even be spelled the same. Morgan scrolled through more lists of names. Avery looked through the lists too, but didn’t find anything that spoke to her.

Despite being really full, Morgan had to get one last taco adventure in before we left Puerto Vallarta. He found it at the taco stand right below our suite. It was called “whole head tacos” and consisted of eyeballs, lips, and tongue of a cow. It was 75 cents per taco and actually tasted pretty good. The flavor was typical beefy, but the texture was softer and a little gelatinous at times (maybe those were the eyeballs?!).

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In order to leave Mexico and go back to the US, we had to pass covid tests. We found a testing site two blocks away from our suite. Avery was nervous they might test positive and miss Brandon and Willbe’s wedding later that week. Luckily, we both passed and were on a plane in the next 24 hours. It was an uneventful flight back and Morgan’s mom picked us up from the airport! It was good to be home! We were excited to start moving into our new house.

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